There's nothing to tell!
这没什么好说的
He's just some guy I work with!
他只不过是我的同时
C'mon,you're going out with the guy!
少来了，你们都在约会了
There's gotta be something wrong with him!
这个男人一定有什么问题

So does he have a hump?A hump and a hairpiece?                            他是驼背吗？戴着假发的驼背?
Wait,does he eat chalk?
等等，他吃粉笔吗?
Just,'cause,I don't want her to go through what I went through with Carl.
我只是不想你重蹈我和卡尔的覆辙
Okay,everybody relax.This is not even a date.
拜托各位，放松点，这甚至不算是约会

It's just two people going out to dinner，and not having sex.            只不过是两个人出去吃个饭，而且不会上床
Sounds like a date to me.
听起来像是和我约会
Alright, so I'm back in high school, I’m standing in the middle of the cafeteria.
于是我回到了高中学校,我站食堂中间

And I realize I am totally naked.      然后发现自己全身赤裸
Oh,yeah.Had that dream.
噢，做过那种梦
Then I look down,and I realize there's a phone there.
我低下头，看见那里有一部手机大哥大
Instead of...?
那话儿变成了

That's right.
没错
Never had that dream.
这种梦倒从未做过
No.
没有
All of a sudden,the phone starts to ring.
突然，那电话响起来了
And it turns out it's my mother，
结果是我妈打来的
which is very-very weird because she never calls me.
这非常非常奇怪，因为她从来不打电话给我
This guy says hello,I wanna kill myself.
这家伙一张嘴打招呼，我就想自杀

Are you okay,sweetie?
你还好吧，亲爱的
I just feel like someone reached down my throat grabbed my small intestine,pulled it out of my mouth and tied it around my neck...
我感觉有人把手伸入我的喉咙抓住我的小肠，从我嘴里扯出来,然后缠在我脖子上
cookie?
饼干？
Carol moved her stuff out today.
卡罗尔今天把她的东西搬走了
Let me get you some coffee.
我帮你泡杯咖啡
Thanks.
谢谢
No,no don't Stop cleansing my aura!
不，不要，别再净化我的灵气了
No,just leave my aura alone,okay?
求你了，别碰我的灵气，好吗？
I‘ll be fine,alright?
我会没事的，好吧
Really,everyone.I hope she'll be very happy.
真的，各位，我希望她能幸福
No you don't.
不，你不会的

No,I don't， to tell with her,she left me！
没错，我不会的，去她的，她甩掉了我
And you never know she was a lesbian...
你又不知道她是女同性恋
No!!Okay!
不知道，行了吧
Why does everyone keep fixating on that?
为何大家都绕着这个话题打转？
She didn't know,how should I know?
她都不知道，我怎么会知道？
Sometimes I wish I was a lesbian...
有时我希望自己也是个女同性恋
Did I say that out loud?
我大声说出来了么？
Alright Ross,look.
好了，罗斯，瞧
You're feeling a lot of pain right now.
你现在很痛苦
You're angry.You're hurting.
你很生气，很伤心
Can I tell you what the answer is?
要不要我给你支一招？
Strip joint!
脱衣舞俱乐部
C'mon,you're single! Have some hormones!
别这样，作为光棍儿，爷们起来

I don't want to be single,okay?
我不想单身的，好吗
I just...just wanna be married again!
我只想，再次结婚
And I just want a million dollars!
而我只想要一百万美金
Rachel?
瑞秋
Oh,God,Monica,hi!Thank God!
噢，天哪，莫妮卡，嗨，谢天谢地
I just went to your building and you weren't there
我刚刚去了你家，可你不在
and then this guy with a big hammer said you might be here
有个拿大锤子的家伙说你可能会在这儿
and you are,you are!
结果你真的在这儿，你真的在这儿
Can I get you some coffee?
要来杯咖啡吗？
De-Caff
无咖啡因的
Okay,everybody,this is Rachel.
好了，各位，这是瑞秋
another lincoln High survivor.
又是一位林肯高中的幸存者

This is everybody,this is Chandler,and Phoebe,and Joey,and you remember my brother Ross?
这就是各位啦，这是钱德勒,菲比，还有乔伊,还记得我的哥哥罗斯吗？
Hi,sure!
当然，嗨
So you wanna tell us now
你是想现在跟我们说说
or are we waiting for four wet bridesmaids?
还是我们再等四位湿漉漉的伴娘追过来？
Oh,God...well,
噢，上帝，好吧
it started about a half hour before the wedding.
大概再婚礼前半个小时
I was in the room where we were keeping all the present
我当时在存放礼品的房间里
and I was looking at this gravy boat.
看着调味汁瓶
This really gorgeous Limoges gravy boat.
那是一件极其美丽的利摩日细瓷调味汁瓶
When all of a sudden
然后，突然间
Sweet and low?(Sweet "n'Lo)
有糖吗？

I realized that I was more turned on by this gravy boat than by Berry!
我发现我看着这个调味汁瓶比看着巴瑞还高兴
And then I got really freaked out,
然后我真的吓坏了
and that's when it hit me:
突然想到：
how much Berry looks like Mr.Potato Head.
巴瑞真的超像薯头先生
You know, I mean,I always knew looked familiar,but...
我是说，我总是觉得他眼熟,但...
Anyway,I just had to get out of there,
不管怎么说，我必须离开那里
and I started wondering
我开始想

"Why am I doing this,and who am I doing this for?"
“我干嘛这么做，我这么做是为了谁？”
So anyway I just didn't know where to go,
不管怎么说，我不知该去哪里
and I know that you and I have kinda drifted apart,
而且我知道我们有点疏远了
but you're the only person I knew who lived here in the city.
但是，你是我在这个城市唯一认识的人
Who wasn't invited to the wedding.
还没有被邀请参加婚礼
Ooh,I was kinda hoping that wouldn't be an issue...
噢，我还以为你不会提起这茬儿

Now I'm guessing that he bought her the big pipe organ,
我猜他送她一台管风琴
and she's really not happy about it.
而她很不喜欢
Daddy,I just...I can't marry him!
爸爸，我只是，不能嫁给他
I'm sorry,I just don't love him.
对不起，我对他爱不起来
Well,it matters to me!
可是对我来说就有关系
Ooh,she should not be wearing those pants.
噢，她真不应该穿那条裤子
I say put her down the stairs.
要我说，推她下楼
C'mon Daddy,listen to me！
爸，你听我说
It's like,it's like all of my life,
这就好像，在我一生中
everyone has always told me,"You're a shoe!"
所有人都一直告诉我“你是一只鞋子”
And today I just stopped and I said,
可今天我停下来说
"What if I don't wanna be a shoe?"
“如果我不想成为一只鞋呢？”
What if I wanna be a- a purse,you know?Or a- or a hat!
如果我想当一个包包，或者是一顶帽子呢

No,I'm not saying I want you to buy me a hat,
不，我不是要你给我买帽子
I'm saying I am a hat
我是说我是一顶帽子
It's a metaphor,Daddy!
这是比喻啦，爸爸
You can see where he would have trouble.
这就是他的问题所在了
Look Daddy,it's my life.
听着，爸爸，这是我的人生
Well maybe I'll just stay here with Monica.
或许我可以和莫妮卡住在一起
Well,I guess we're established who's staying here with Monica.
我猜和莫妮卡一起住的人选已经敲定了
Well,maybe that's my decision.
也许那是我的决定
Well, maybe I don't need your money.
也许我不需要你的钱

Wait!Wait,I said maybe!
等等，我说也许
Just breathe,breathe...that's it.
深呼吸，就这样
Just try to think of nice calm things...
试着想些美好平静的事物
Rain drops on roses and rabbits and kittens
玫瑰上的雨滴，小兔子和小猫咪
bulebells and sleighbells and something with mittens...
还有风铃草，雪橇草和啥啥的手套
La la la something and noodles with string.
啦啦啦，啥啥和绳子串起的面条
There are a few...
还有一些
I'm all better now.
我现在好多了
I helped.
我帮上忙了
Okay,look,this is probably for the best,you know?
瞧，或许这样反倒最好
Independence.Taking control of your life.
你独立了，可以主宰自己的人生
And hey,you need anything,you can always come to Joey.
如有任何需求，尽管来找乔伊
Me and Chandler live across the hall.
我和钱德勒就住在对面

And he's away a lot.
而且他经常不在家
Joey,stop hitting on her!
乔伊，你来献什么殷勤
It's her wedding day!
今天是她结婚的日子
What,like there's a rule or something?
怎么啦，难道还有是明文规定不成
Please don't do that again,it's a horrible sound.
请不要再按门铃了，这声音很烦人
It's,uh,it's Paul.
我是保罗
Buzz him in.
让他进来
Who's Paul-Paul the Wine Guy,Paul?
-保罗是谁？-调酒的那个保罗吗？
Maybe.
或许吧
Wait.You not a real date tonight is with Paul the Wine Guy?
等等，你今晚的非正式约会对象是调酒师保罗？
He finally asked you out?-Yes!
他终于开口约你了嘛？-是的

Ooh, this is a Dear Diary moment.
噢，这真是值得永久铭记的时刻
Rach,wait,I can cancel...
瑞秋，我可以取消
Please,no,go,that's be fine!
不，你去吧，我没事
Are,are you okay?I mean,do you want me to stay?
罗斯，你没事吧。你要我留下了嘛？
That'd be good,,,
那样最好
Really?-No,go on!
真的吗？-才怪，去吧
It's Paul the Wine Guy!
那可是调酒师保罗
Hi,come in!Paul,this is...
嗨，请进，保罗，这是..
...everybody,this is Paul.
大家，各位，这是保罗
Hey! Paul! -Hello!
嘿，保罗-你好
Hi! The Wine Guy!
嗨，调酒师

I'm sorry,I didn't catch your name.Paul,was it?
抱歉，没听清你的名字，保罗，是吗？
Okay,sit down. Two seconds.
好了，你先坐会，马上就好
Ooh,I just pulled out four eyelashes.That can't be good.
噢，我刚拔掉四根睫毛，不是好兆头
So Rachel,what're you, uh...what're you up to tonight?
瑞秋，你，你今晚打算怎么过？
Well,I was kinda supposed to be headed for Aruba on my honeymoon,so nothing!
这个嘛，本来我应该在阿鲁巴度蜜月，所以，没事做
Right,you're not even getting your honeymoon,God...
对哦，你都不能去度蜜月，上帝
No,no,although,Aruba,this time of year...talk about your big lizards..
不过在阿鲁巴岛的这个时候，说到你的大蜥蜴
Anyway,if you don't feel like being alone tonight,
不管怎样，如果你今晚不想独处的话，

Joey and Chandler are coming over to help me put together my furniture.
乔伊和钱德勒要到我那儿帮我组装新家具
Yes,and we're very excited about it.
是的，我们特别期待组装家具
Well actually thanks,but I think I'm just gonna hang out here tonight.
真的很感谢,不过我今晚想待在这儿
It's been kinda a long day.-Okay,sure.
-今天真的很漫长-好吧，当然了
Hey,Pheebs,you wanna help?
菲比你想来帮忙嘛？
Oh,I wish I could,but I don't want to.
噢，我倒是希望能去帮忙，但我不想去
I'm supposed to attach a brackety thing to the side things,using a bunch of these little worm guys.
我应该用一套这样的小蜗杆，将托架装在侧面
I have no brackety thing,I see no whim guys whatsover and I cannot feel my legs.
但我没看见托架，我看不出有什么心血来潮的家伙,而且我的腿麻了
What's this?
这是什么？
I have no idea.
我也不知道
Done with the bookcase!-All finished!
-书架做好了-全部完工
This was Carol's favorite beer.
这是卡罗尔最爱喝的啤酒
She always drank it out of the can,I should have konwn.
她总是开罐直接喝，我该知道
Ross,let me ask you a question.
罗斯，我问你一个问题
She got the furniture,the stereo,and good TV.
她得到了家具，音响和很棒的电视机
What did you get?
你得到什么？
You guys.
你们

Oh,my God.-You got screwed.
-天哪，-你被坑了
Oh,my God!-I know,I know,I'm such a idiot.
-天哪-我知道，我是个大白痴
I guess I should have caught on when she started going to the dentist four and five times a week.
她每周看四五次牙医时,我心里就有数了
I mean,how clean can teeth get?
我是说，牙齿能需要多干净呢？
My brother's going through that right now,he's such a mess.
我哥也碰到这种事了，他真是一团糟
How did you get through it?
你是怎么熬过来的？
Well,you might try accidentally breaking something valuable of hers,-say her...  -leg?
你可以尝试不小心砸烂她贵重的东西，-比如她的..  -腿？
That's one way!Me,I-I went for her watch.
那也是种选择，至于我嘛,我砸烂了她的表
You actually broke her watch?
你真的把她的表弄坏了？
Barry,I'm sorry...I am so sorry..
巴瑞，对不起，真的对不起
I know you probably think that this is all about what I said the other day about you making love with your sock on,but it isn't...it is about me,and I just...
你一定认为这件事跟我那天说你不肯脱袜子有关,其实不是，是我的原因，我只是
Hi,machine cut me off again..anyway..look,look,
喂，电话又挂断了,不过怎么样，听着
You know what the scariest part is ?
你知道最可怕的是什么？
What if there's only one woman for everybody,you know?
万一人这一辈子只有一个女人怎么办？
I mean waht if you got one woman and that's it？
我是说如果你找了个女人，然后就此过一生
What are you talking about?One woman?
你说什么呢？一个女人？
That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you.
这就像是在说，你只能吃一种冰激凌口味

Let me tell you something,Ross.There's lots of flavors out there.
让我来告诉你，罗斯，还有很多种口味
There's Rocky Road,and cookie Dough,and Bing!Cherry Vanilla.
又巧克力坚果味，曲奇味还有香草味
You could get with Jimmies,or nuts,or whipped cream!
还可以和糖条，果仁或者奶油一起吃
This is the best thing that ever happened to you!
这简直是你一生中最大的喜事
You got married,you were,like,what,eight?
你难道是八岁结的婚嘛？
Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!
欢迎回到现实世界，拿起勺子开挖吧
I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
我真不晓得现在自己是饿了还是欲火难耐
Stay out of my freezer!
离我的冰箱远点
Ever since she walked out on me,I,uh...
自从她甩掉我之后，我就..
What?...What,you wanna spell it out with noodles?
怎么了，有事不方便说吗?
No,it's more of fifth date kinda revelation.
不，这应该是第五次约会时候才说的事
Oh,so there is gonna be a fifth date?
噢，这么说会有第五次约会了？
Isn't there?
你不想嘛？
Yeah..yeah,think there is.
想，我想的
What were you gonna say?
你刚才想说什么？

Well,ever-ev-...ever since she left me,um,I haven't been able to,uh,perform...Sexually.
好吧，自从她离开后,我就一直萎靡不振
Oh,God,Oh,God,I am sorry...
天啊天啊，对不起
I'm so sorry...-It's okay..
-真是不好意思-没事没事
I know being spit on is probably not what you need right now.
我知道你现在需要的必然不是被人喷一身水
Um...how long?-Two years.
-多久了？-两年了
Wow! I'm-I'm glad you smashed her watch!
我真高兴你砸烂了她的表
So you still think you,um...might want that fifth date?
那你还想要第五次约会吗？
...Yeah.Yeah,I do.
是的，我希望有
Oh...see...but Joanne loved Chach!
看，乔安妮是爱卡奇的
That's the difference！
这就是不同的
"Grab a spoon"
“拿起勺子”
Do you know how long it's been since I've grabbed a spoon?
你知道我拿起勺子多久了吗？
Do the words"Billy,don't be a hero"mean anything to you?
难道你不明白“比利，别逞英雄”这句话？
You know,here's the thing.
知道吗？问题就是
Even if I could get it together enough to- to ask a woman out,...who am  I gonna ask?
就算我鼓足了勇气，想约个女人出来,我又能约谁呢？
Isn't this amazing?
不可思议吧？
I mean.I have never made coffee before in my entire life.
我这辈子从没泡过咖啡

-That is amazing.-Congratulations.
-真不可思议-恭喜你了
While you're on a roll if you feel like you have to make a Weatern omelet or something?
既然你现在这么有兴致,有没有想顺手做个煎蛋卷之类的东西
Although actually I'm really not that hungry...
不过事实上我还不太饿
Morning.-Good morning.
早安  -早安
-Morning.-Morning,Paul.
-早安    -早安，保罗
-Hello,Paul.-Hi,Paul,is it?
-你好保罗  -嗨，保罗是吧？
-Thank you.Thank you so much.  -Stop.
-谢谢，太感谢你了  -不要这样
We'll talk later.
晚点联系
Yeah.Thank you.
谢谢你
Than wasn't a real date?
那还不叫真正的约会？

What the hell do you do on a real date?
那你真正的约会到底要干些什么？
-Shut up,and put my table back.-Okayyy!
-闭嘴，把桌子抬回去  -好啦
All right,kids,I gotta get to work.
好了孩子们，我必须上班去了
If I don't input those numbers...it doesn't make much of difference..
但如果我不输入那些数字,也没什么关系
So,like,you guys all have jobs?
你们大家伙儿都有工作？
Yeah,we all have jobs.
对，我们都有工作
See,that's how we buy stuff.
这样才有钱买东西
Yeah,I'm an actor.
对，我是个演员
Wow! Would I have seen you in anything?
哇!你演过什么？我看过吗？
I doubt it. Mostly regional work.
难说，大部分范围都挺小的
Oh wait,wait,unless yyou happened to catch the Peruns' production of Pinocchio
等下，除非你碰巧看过《匹诺曹》的重播
"Look,Gippetto,I'm a real live boy."
“瞧，盖佩多，我是真正的小男孩了”

-I will not take this abuse.  -You're right,I'm sorry.
-别这么侮辱人  -你说得对，对不起
"once I was a wooden boy, a little wooden boy..."
“我曾是个小木偶，小木偶”
So how you doing today?
今天感觉如何？
Did you sleep okay?Talk to Barry?
睡得还好吧？跟巴瑞谈过了吗？
I can't stop smiling.
我的笑容停不下来
I can see that.
我可以看得出来
You look like you slept with a hanger in your mouth.
你好像昨晚睡觉时嘴里放了个撑衣架
I know, he's just so, so...
我知道，他是那么..
Do you remenber you and Tony DeMarco?
还记得你和托尼·德玛科吗？
Oh, yeah.
记得啊
Well, it's like that. With feelings.
就像那样，那种感觉
Wow, are you in trouble!
哇，你真是有麻烦了
Okay. Okay. I am just going to get up, go to work and not think about him all day.
好啦好啦，我要站起来，去工作，而且一整天都不要想他

Or else I'm just gonna get up and go to work.
或者只是站起来去工作
-Oh,look, with me luck!  -What for?
-祝我好运  -为什么？
I'm gonna go get one of those job things.
我要去找那个工作什么东西
Hey, Monica!
嘿，莫妮卡
Hey Frannie, welcome back!
嘿，弗兰妮，欢迎回来
How was Florida?
在弗罗里达过得如何？
You had sex, didn't you?
你有男人了，对吗？
How do you do that?
你怎么知道的？
So? Who?
那么，是谁？
You know Paul?
你认识保罗吧？
Paul the Wine Guy?
保罗，那个调酒的？
Oh yeah, I know Paul.
对，我认识保罗
You mean you know Paul like I know Paul?
你是说你认识他就像我认识他一样？
Are you kidding?I take credit for Paul.
开玩笑吧？保罗还欠我一个人情呢
You know before me, there was no snap in his turtle for two years.
遇到我之前，他都萎靡不振两年了
Of course it was a lie!
显然他是骗你的

Why?Why?Why, why would anybody do something like that?
为什么，为什么会有人那样做？
I assume we're looking for an answer more sophisticated than to get you into bed.
我猜其中的原因十分复杂，不仅是因为他想睡你
Is it me?
问题出现在我身上
Is it like I have some sort of beacon that only dogs and men with severe emotional problems can hear?
难道我身上带着某种味儿，只有狗和有严重感情问题的男人才会发觉吗
All right,come here, give me your feet.
好啦，过来，把你的脚给我
I just thought he was nice, you know?
我还以为他是个好男人，你知道吗？
I can't believe you didn't know it was a lie!
我真不相信，你居然没听出那是个谎言
-Guess what?  -You got a job?
-猜猜怎么了？- 你找到工作了？
Are you kidding? I'm trained for nothing!
开玩笑吗？我什么都不会
I was laughed out of twelve interviews today.
今天十二个面试，我都是被嘲笑轰出来的
And yet you're surprisingly upbeat.
不过你竟然还这么开心
You would be too if you found John and Dacid boots on sale,fitth percent off!
如果你遇见“约翰&大卫”的皮靴打五折，也会和我一样的
Oh, how well you know me...
是啊，你多了解我啊
They're my new I don't need a job,I don't need my parents, I've got great boots.
这就是我不需要工作，不需要父母，一双好皮靴足矣
How did you pay for them?
你怎么付的款？
Uh, credit card.
用信用卡

And who pays for thats?
那谁付账单？
Um...my...father.
我爸啊
Come on, you can't live off your parents you whole life.
拜托，你不能靠你爸一辈子
I know that. That's why Iwas getting married.
我知道，这就是为什么我要结婚
Give her a break, it's hard being on your own for the first time.
饶了她把，第一次独立并不轻松
Thank you
谢谢你
You're welcome. I remember when I first came to this city.
不客气，我记得我第一次来纽约时的情景
I was fourteen.
当时我十四岁
My mon had just killed herself and my step-dad was back in prison,and I got here, and I didn't know anybody.
我妈刚自杀，我继父再度入狱,我来到这里，举目无亲
And I ended up living with this albino guy who was, like, cleaning windshields outside port authority, and then he killed himself, and then I found aromatherapy.
最后我和一个白化病患者住在一起，他给港务局的人清洗车窗玻璃，后来他也自杀了，然后我成了按摩师
So believe me, I know exactly how you feel.
所以相信我，我完全了解你的感受
The word you're looking for is  "Anyway"...
你想说的话是“不管怎么说”...
All right, you ready?
好了，准备好了吗？
I don't think so.
我不这么想
Come on,cut.Cut,cut,cut...
剪掉，剪掉，剪掉

Welcome to the real world!
欢迎来到现实世界
It sucks.You're gonna love it!
它糟透了，但你会喜欢的
Well,that's it. You gonna crash on the couch?
好啦，你要睡在沙发上吗？
No. No, I gotta go home sometime.
不，我要回家
-You be okay?  -Yeah
-你没事吧  -没事
Hey Monica, look what I just found on the floor.
莫妮卡，看我在地板上发现了什么
What?
什么？
That's Paul's watch.
那是保罗的表
You just put it back where you found it.
放回原地就好了
-Alright.Goodnight, everybody.  -Goodnight.
-好吧，晚安各位    -晚安
-Sorry-- No no no, go
-对不起 -不不不，你来
No, you have it, really, I don't want it
不不，你吃吧，真的，我不想吃
-Split it?  -Okay.
-分着吃 - 好吧
You know.You probably didn't know this,but back in high school, I had a, um, major crush on you.
你大概不知道，我在高中时，曾经暗恋过你
I knew.
我知道
You did!Oh...
你知道，哦...
I always figured you just thought I was Monica's geeky older brother.
我还以为你一直认为我是莫妮卡的怪哥哥呢
I did.
的确如此

Oh. Listen, do you think any try not to let my intense vulnerability become any kind of a factor here
噢，听着，你是不是认为不要太在意我脆弱的心灵
But do you think it would be okay if I asked you out?
但是你觉得我能约你出去吗？
Sometime?Maybe?
偶尔？有可能吗？
Yeah.maybe...
当然，或许...
Okay...okay, maybe I will...
好，好，或许我会的
-Goodnight  -Goodnight.
-晚安  -晚安
See you.
再见
Wait,wait,what's the deal?
等等，你怎么了？
I just grabbed a spoon.
我刚刚拿起了勺子
I can't believe what I'm hearing here
我真不敢相信我的耳朵
What?I-I said you had a...
怎么了？我说你有一个
Would you stop?
你能不能不这么干？
-Oh, was I doing it again?  -Yes!
-噢，我又来了？  -是的
Would anybody like more coffee?
有人要咖啡吗？
Did you make it, or are you just serving it?
是你泡的？还是你端来的？

-I'm just serving it.  -Yeah, I'll have a cup of coffee.
-我端来的  -好吧，给我来杯咖啡
Kids, new dream...
孩子们，我又做新梦了
I'm in Las Vegas.
我在拉斯维加斯
I‘m Liza Minelli
我是丽莎·明妮莉